Relative Calm
Looking out from my porch, Manayunk glowed softly pink in the fluorescent street lights and snow covered pavement. I exhaled breathily to intentionally let the gentle fog waft past my eyes, just for something new to look at. The street down the steep hill was deserted, with nothing but bumper-to-bumper parallel parked POSes sturdily plowed into their curbside spots. At the top of the hill the traffic light dutifully marched through green, yellow, and red. Not even a cop car came through to notice. But all the row homes along our street were bespeckled in varying levels of holiday lighting, making my lonely midnight vigil feel more festive and enjoyable than usual. It’s not that I didn’t like sleep – I loved it – but working 10 hours or more a day at the firm, and the hustle and bustle of Philly, and the commutes and the social life left my head buzzing and alert long past any reasonable hour. Just like every kid on this street waiting for Santa, I couldn’t sleep. And sometimes just chilling on the porch for a while was the only thing that calmed me down long enough to give it a shot.
The quiet calm broke with the front door creaking open. I turned and looked up from my seat to see Dan standing behind the screen door, silhouetted with the lone light bulb shining garishly above his head in the tiny entryway.
“Loser” he said in greeting.
“Yup” I agreed. He pushed the screen door open with his shoulder, and I looked down to see both of his hands occupied by beer bottles. He leaned forward to hand me mine, then reached back to pull the door closed. On his way past my seat he stood in front of my face and I instinctively turned my head and held my breath before he let a noisy fart rip. I pressed my lips together in a hard line and gave him a sideways glare.
“Thanks” I said. My second cousin and roommate of the last two years didn’t say anything, just giggled like a child and plopped into his chair. Dan and I had found out we were related when we met in college a few years ago. Luckily it wasn’t because we were into each other or anything creepy like that. We just had a lot of classes together and both liked happy hours, and eventually our winding conversations ended up on a mutual relative. That was one of maybe two even half-way serious conversations we’d ever had. That’s why I liked him – he was easy to live with. I was a serious enough person for everyone. Sometimes fart jokes and burping competitions are just what a hard-working girl needs. And they were also what one lucky little lady could look forward to for the rest of her life.
“Do you have the ring on you?” I asked. Dan blew a raspberry at me like I was a total jackass for asking such a thing.
“It’s in my sock drawer” he answered, and took a swig of his beer, looking out at the empty street. I looked out at the same empty space. It looked so peaceful. I guess no one really goes to the bars on Christmas Eve, so no one walks home loudly drunk past our house. I put my mittened hand up to my frozen nose, then took a big sip to warm myself up.
“Can’t sleep either” I probed cautiously. I didn’t bother to look at him, but out of the corner of my eye I saw his shoulders slump ever so slightly.
“Nah” he replied. He blew out a fog breath as far as he could. “Do you think she’ll say yes?” He asked, keeping his eyes on that nothing we were both scrutinizing.
My mind roved over a bunch of fantastic insults: “fuck no” surfaced first, shining with its simplicity, irony, and utterly obviousness; “yes, because she’s brain-damaged” flitted through my thoughts next, but that was just a little too mean to Katie; “I already paid her for the next year, so she’d better” presented itself, and although that pointed out that she was out of his league while also insinuating that he had to pay for female companionship, I decided that didn’t fit the mood. I rubbed my frozen nose again and decided to go for the boring.
“Yeah she will.”
I finally looked over at Dan, and he was nodding slowly, thoughtfully. Then he looked at me.
“Will you be my best man?” He asked, moving though the words quickly; they hit my ears with weight and my head pushed back with their force. I could feel the surprise on my face, and my mitten moved from my nose to my mouth.
“Sure, man” I replied. But I’m a girl! The smart-ass side of my brain shouted, wanting to jump in – it wasn’t used to being left out of conversations with Dan.
“Cool.” He said. I could see other things working across his eyes, things he wanted to say. But as quickly as he could furrow his brow I saw them disappear again, and he looked out at that nothing spot again.
“Cool” I repeated, swirling my beer and letting the side of my face that Dan couldn’t see lift into a smile.
“You know, I’m going to make you wear a tux” he said, and threw his head back in a beer-ending swig.
“Tough shit. I was thinking of wearing a big frilly pink tutu dress. With a tiara” I replied.
Dan belched and stood up, stretching and keeping his eyes on the deserted street. He held out his hand and I gave him my empty. I let him go back inside without another word. I heard him clump upstairs.
I looked up the street and saw a cop car drive slowly through the intersection. The traffic light was blinking red now, which meant it was after three a.m. I smiled and got up, finally feeling like I might be able to sleep tonight.
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